i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
