covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
