you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
