If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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