I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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