I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
