What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
