This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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