apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize