1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
