I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
