Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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