i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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