Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
