We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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