I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Girls should come with a carfax report
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
