i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
