Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
