WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
