does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Your dad touched me again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
