I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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