Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
