i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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