I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
