garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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