Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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