Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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