Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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