Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
