i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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