so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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