Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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