I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
