all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
