I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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