it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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