can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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