I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
