I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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