probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
