Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
