perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
