true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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