I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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