I'm so fucking centered right now
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
