Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
