i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
