I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
