pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
