you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
