the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
