hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
