Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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