You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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