Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
