I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
