The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
