I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Less talking, more tequila
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I love you. Go after that dick
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize