Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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