I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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