Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize