You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
