She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
