Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
